Self-Discipline

"Self-discipline is a form of freedom. Freedom from laziness and lethargy, freedom from the expectations and demands of others, freedom from weakness and fear—and doubt. Self-discipline allows a pitcher to feel his individuality, his inner strength, his talent. He is master of, rather than a slave to, his thoughts and emotions." — H.A. Dorfman The Mental ABCs of Pitching   

 "The individual who wants to reach the top in business must appreciate the might and force of habit. He must be quick to break those habits that can break him—and hasten to adopt those practices that will become the habits that help him achieve the success he desires." — J. Paul Getty
 

"We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit." — Aristotle

 

"Success is actually a short race—a sprint fueled by discipline just long enough for habit to kick in and take over." — Gary Keller

 

"Success is a matter of understanding and religiously practicing specific, simple habits that always lead to success." — Robert J. Ringer

 

"The good Lord gave you a body that can stand most anything. It's your mind you have to convince." — Vince Lombardi

 

"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power." — Lao Tzu

 

"Rule your mind or it will rule you." — Horace

 

"If we don't discipline ourselves, the world will do it for us." — William Feather  

"The first and best victory is to conquer self."

— Plato, Greek Philosopher

 

"Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There's plenty of movement, but you never know if it's going to be forward, backwards, or sideways."

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr., Author

 "It is not enough to have great qualities; We should also have the management of them." 

— La Rochefoucauld

"A man without decision of character can never be said to belong to himself . . . . He belongs to whatever can make captive of him." — John Foster Author

 

"Mental toughness is many things and rather difficult to explain. Its qualities are sacrifice and self-denial. Also, most importantly, it is combined with a perfectly disciplined will that refuses to give in. It's a state of mind-you could call it character in action." — Vince Lombardi

 

"A successful career will no longer be about promotion. It will be about mastery." — Michael Hammer

 

 

 

"Mountaintops inspire leaders but valleys mature them." — Winston Churchill

 

"Everybody starts at the top, and then has the problem of staying there. Lasting accomplishment, however, is still achieved through a long, slow climb and self-discipline."

- Helen Hayes

 

 Let me . . . ; remind you that it is only by working with an energy which is almost superhuman and which looks to uninterested spectators like insanity that we can accomplish anything worth the achievement. Work is the keystone of a perfect life. Work and trust in God." — Woodrow Wilson

 

"The most important thing in the Olympic Games is not winning but taking part; the essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well." — Pierre de Coubertin, founder of modern Olympic Games

 

 
"Happiness is dependent on self-discipline. We are the biggest obstacles to our own happiness. It is much easier to do battle with society and with others than to fight our own nature."
- Dennis Prager

 I think self-discipline is something, it's like a muscle. The more you exercise it, the stronger it gets.
- Daniel Goldstein

Self-discipline is an act of cultivation. It require you to connect today's actions to tomorrow's results. There's a season for sowing a season for reaping. Self-discipline helps you know which is which.
- Gary Ryan Blair

 "It is necessary to try to surpass one's self always: this occupation ought to last as long as life." — Queen Christina of Sweden

 

 "Never suffer your courage to exert itself in fierceness, your resolution in obstinacy, your wisdom in cunning, nor your patience in sullenness and despair. " — Charles Palmer

 

 

 

The only discipline that lasts is self-discipline.

Bum Phillips

 

I see my upbringing as a great success story. By disciplining me, my parents inculcated self-discipline. And by restricting my choices as a child, they gave me so many choices in my life as an adult. Because of what they did then, I get to do the work I love now.

- Amy Chua

Long-term, we must begin to build our internal strengths. It isn't just skills like computer technology. It's the old-fashioned basics of self-reliance, self-motivation, self-reinforcement, self-discipline, self-command.

- Steven Pressfield

"Nothing is more harmful to the service, than the neglect of discipline; for that discipline, more than numbers, gives one army superiority over another." — George Washington

Whether you call it Buddhism or another religion, self-discipline, that's important. Self-discipline with awareness of consequences.

- Dalai Lama

 

If you set goals for yourself, and you're like a lot of other people, you probably realize it's not that your goals are physically impossible that's keeping you from achieving them; it's that you lack the self-discipline to stick to them. It's physically possible to lose weight. It's physically possible to exercise more.
Daniel Goldstein

 

"Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself-and be lenient to everybody else." — Henry Ward Beecher

Teaching Dance: Work or Play?

Many people always come up to me and say "Wah you teach dancing full time ah?  So lucky to be able to work on something that you like!"  And unspoken in that is 'how I wish I could be like that and have a full time job on something that I love too'.

It's funny that many people think teaching dance just consists of going into the class, telling a bunch of people on what steps to take, how to take them, turn on the music and viola!..

The dance classes come about because of a series of things that are needed to be done to accumulate in an event that is the class.  Most people don't see all the work that goes on into this.  There are students to call for class, there are students schedules to arrange, there are syllabus and choreographies to be set up.  The prep work is significant, like many other kinds of jobs.  It is fun, but the hours are long, and topsy turvy to regular work hours (yeah, we work retail hours).

Honestly, I don't consider teaching work.  I enjoy sharing and teaching people, especially if I have a lot to share with them and they are like absorbent sponges.  What I consider work is the stuff that everyone else considers work: paying the bills, admin stuff, organizing schedules, settling enquiries, marketing and other stuff.  Teaching is the time that I make friends, socialize, contribute to society by sharing my knowledge with others.  Setting syllabi and choreographies are also not work, coz I genuinely enjoy the creation process, and it's my fun time.

I'm immensely grateful to be in a job that I love and that I enjoy doing.  I'm glad that I can have so much fun in my work, that I can make great and awesome friends, and that I can share so many things with many people and watch them grow and mature from beginners into great dancers.  It's so amazing to see their love, passion and appreciation for life grow through dancing.  I truly enjoy that and I am super humbled by this grace God has given me to be able to impact many people's lives.

I used to think that my talents are small and minor in the light of the things of the world.  I mean, what is dance compared to saving people's lives in medicine, or the ability to create amazing technologies, build fantastic houses and other things.  But now, I see the value I bring to people's lives, sometimes more than what money can buy.  In the mature people, I help them to maintain their fitness and health; I keep their feet and mind nimble, helping in the prevention of diseases so prevalent among the aged in our society.  In the young, I aid in building their coordination, musicality, discipline and help them to expend their energy, giving them a better, healthier and disciplined body to help in their mind studies and more.  In the teens and young adults, I can help build their aspirations, inspire them to be better people, give them avenues to mature into beautiful people, learn social skills and build relationships.  It's an awesome job when you actually step back and think about it.  It's humbling that I've been given such a position of influence, yet scary at the same time that it can seem like such a huge daunting task that is my life's calling.  (And this is where I'm glad that I have a God who guides me in all things I do)...

There is one thing that people do say to me quite often that I find frustrating...  They see that I work long hours and everyday, and think, "Wah you poor thing! You work so long hours, and everyday somemore.  Must make sure you have enough rest and have time for yourself."  They are well-meaning when they say that, but what they say is not exactly in my best interests, nor is it entirely accurate.

Yes, it is true that I clock long hours at my dance school, but this is also true of many people and their jobs: when work must be completed, we need to make an effort to finish them.  I just work slow (but I'm getting faster!).  Also, my work and play time has grey areas because they both occur in the same place, and I think this is the most misleading  part.  People can't see clearly when my work/play place and time are, because they occur in the same place, and much at the same time.

When I teach, it's play.  When I do admin stuff, it's work.  When I talk to students, it's sometimes work, sometimes play.  Admittedly, I had big problems differentiating between work and play when I first started doing this full time.  I still get confused from time to time, even now, after 10 years.  So I can't really expect others to be able to differentiate between my work and play time.  On top of that (as if it's not confusing enough), the people whom I teach and work with are also the people I spend my play time with.  It can get a tad frustrating if you let it get to you, but the benefits far outweigh the costs:

1)  I'm paid to do what I love, while others pay to do what they love.  By working in what I love, I am doing things that I enjoy most of the time.

2)  I save time and money on commuting to and fro.  Even though work and play can get confusing because they are both occurring in the same place,  one major advantage of this is that I can spend more time doing these things coz I don't have to factor in traveling time.  Many people spend 3 - 5 (or more) hours traveling from home to work to play and back home.  I don't have to do that, and as a result I can spend more productive time contributing to the things I love.  I can also concentrate all my energies to do these things, rather than worrying about rushing from one place to another.

3)  I get to work and play with the people I like, my friends!

4)  As mentioned earlier, I get to play a small role in enriching people's lives through dancing, health and more.  It's a true privilege.

5)  This one's a little bit chim, but the way we work, play and eat together, we live in a communal setting and this 'family' feeling is essential to our lives and welfare.  At times, it may seem stifling and over bearing, but I'm surrounded by people who care for me and vice versa.  We look out for each other, and even though we all have our flaws, we are a family.

By learning to give, being grateful and collaborating with one another, we can work together to do great things for our community and to help people around us, things that we cannot do as individuals.

On Learning...

Teaching many students over the years, I've learned a thing or 2 about what makes students more teachable.

 
The best kinds of students a teacher could hope to get are those that are like a clean slate.  They don't have any prior opinions, they don't seem to know anything and they trust you to show them how to do it all.  Students like that are a dream come true because we don't have to spend time convincing them why they should do this rather then do that, why doing this will make you better than doing that, etc. 

For example, if I have 5 minutes with each student, I can spend that 5 minutes trying to convince the student to do Task 1 and why doing Task 1 will help them to improve, or I can spend the precious 5 minutes showing and teaching them to do Tasks 1,2 and 3.

Here is an illustration:

Teacher, "You must practice your spins everyday. Do it 3 times a day, for 5 minutes each."

Student, "Why do I have to do it?  I get so dizzy when I spin.  I'm so busy also, everyday is not possible."

Teacher (starts explaining and convincing the student to do the homework), "Spins are important in dancing.  When you first practice, you will find it hard, but if you practice everyday, you will improve and won't get so dizzy within a week or two....."

Or the conversation could go this way...

Teacher, "You must practice your spins everyday. Do it 3 times a day, for 5 minutes each."
Student, "OK i will do my best.  What else should I work on?"
Teacher (delighted in such a dedicated student replies), "Besides spinning, practice your isolations too.  After spinning, you can do body isolations for 5 - 10 minutes.  If you have more time, you can...."

If a student doesn't keep second guessing the teacher or thinks he knows better or his way is better, the teacher doesn't have to waste time thinking "How can I convince the student that my method of learning has been taught to many students, and all who followed my instructions wholeheartedly all succeeded and became good dancers?"  The teacher can then spend more of his energy to focus on how to make the student an even better dancer. 

I'm not suggesting that the student should blindly follow the teacher, but I feel that the students should not judge the teacher during the class (is what this teacher is saying better than what the other teacher taught me to do the other day?  I think that if I do it this way, it is better than what the teacher is saying now...). 

You take a class to learn.  Reserve your judgements for after the class.  During the class, learn all that you can, take all that you can from the teacher.  Even if you don't agree, put your opinions aside first.  Your teacher may have a different approach to what you are used to learning but it may produce the same or better results, but you never know it works if you don't try with an open mind.

You are there to learn, not teach the teacher or disrespect or humiliate him.  So focus your energies on learning.  If the teacher is open to it, you can share what you feel and humbly and respectfully present your opinions to him after the class.  But don't go into an argument with him in the class.

Working as a freelancer vs working in a team.

Pros & Cons:

Going outside as a freelancer gives you immediate benefits.  You can take up immediately what is on offer: like teaching with other schools, getting to choose your time and place your efforts in the things you want to do.

Working together using GGC may not seem like the best or most popular thing to do, but we can work in a group and grow together as a group.  If we have a clear idea of where we want to go and a have true goal to work towards, we have the potential to create something truly big.  We do hard honest work that slowly but steadily grow towards a larger goal.  An immediate benefit is that we don't have to bear the stress, load and burden alone.  When we stumble, we have others around us to hold on to us and to keep the boat rowing.  Even though it is harder and you need more patience (no immediate gratification), you can go further as a group, build bigger and stronger.

Compare this to building a house.  1 man can build a hut or a simple house.  It will take a couple of weeks and eventually, you can have a small hut that you can call your own.  It is simple, small and cosy, but it fits only 2 to 4 people.  A group of 7 men can organize a larger group of 30-50 men to build a large 50 storey building.  It may take 1-2 years (there is no immediate gratification) and you can't claim all the credit (you have to share it with 50 other people), but in the end, you have a 50 storey condominium with a swimming pool, gym, supermarket, garden, etc, and you can enjoy it with many friends.

One immediate downside that I see as a freelancer is that although you are free to make your own choices and decide what you want to do, most people usually don't have the experience to understand the market or the business.  They typically flit around taking whatever short term businesses they can do. 

It is rare that they would be able to plan far ahead as they would get so caught up in the little everyday things that they have no bandwidth or time to plan ahead to grow their business.  The upside to working in a GGC team is that there is a clearer picture of where we go as a group; sometimes, you don't have to plan the route or even know the whole picture (this is especially so if you are a junior in the team).  All you need to do is to trust your superior, follow instructions and you will be able to reap the benefits of the task.  And eventually when you have enough experience and expertise, you can take over the reins as leader and lead the group, but this will happen only after you prove that you have the ability to handle it and care enough to look out for everyone in the group.

Self Discipline & Care Enough

We can miss out on 99% of our blessing because we don't have the discipline or care enough to finish the things we start.  You can do everything right, persevere on through hard times but stop at the 98% mark and still not enjoy the success.  If I were to make a rocking chair, I assemble everything together bit by bit, with everything all done up except the chair seat, I could have spent many hours and days making the chair, but I still cannot use it because of that one last thing I need to put in.  I may have spent all that effort, but it would be wasted because I cannot reap the benefits of what I have made. 

There are times we all want to sleep a little bit longer, eat a little bit unhealthier, be a little bit lazier, but these things make life a lot more difficult.  Back to the chair analogy, if I had done everything, but was lazy and did not put one screw into the rocking chair, I may have an accident a few months down when my parents use the chair or a little nephew plays on it.  They may fall and injure themselves, just because I was a bit lazy and did not put enough care into finishing what I started.  I may have put a lot of love into making the rocking chair, but by deciding not to put in that screw because of my 1% lazy indulgence and assumption that it won't matter, I have caused injury or harm to others and myself.  Furthermore, nobody will trust in the rocking chairs I make in the future.

Normal vs Exceptional People

Routine of a Normal Person:

5am : wake up, exercise, go market

6am - 6pm : go to work, accomplish 20 work tasks

6pm - 11pm : take dance class / teach dance class, social dance, socialize

Daily Personal tasks: 25 tasks (exercise, go market, dance, socialize, cook, laundry, etc)

A regular person accomplishes 20 work tasks and about 25 personal tasks every day.

An exceptional person accomplishes more.  Exceptional people in work accomplishes 30 - 50 tasks a day at the initial stage, and progress to 100 things a day at work. 

Exceptional people then progress to become managers, senior managers and CEOs.  As they go higher up, they do lesser tasks but each task has higher points (eg, 30 - 50 points to manage a staff to do his 20 tasks which are 1 - 10 points in nature).  This gives them more free time on their hands but the problems they handle need more time, effort and heart to solve.

The way to success is to develop good habits to be able to do their required tasks everyday (and more), and to do it with a positive mindset.

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

“Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.”
― Samuel Smiles

“It will be difficult to break the habits of thinking (...) instilled in me, like tugging a single thread from a complex work of embroidery. But I will find new habits, new thoughts, new rules. I will become something else.”
― Veronica Roth, Divergent

“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.”
― Jim Ryun

“H is for Habit, winners make a habit of doing the things losers don't want to do.”
― Lucas Remmerswaal, The A-Z of 13 Habits: Inspired by Warren Buffett
“The only way we could remember would be by constant re-reading, for knowledge unused tends to drop out of mind. Knowledge used does not need to be remembered; practice forms habits and habits make memory unnecessary. The rule is nothing; the application is everything.”
― Henry Hazlitt, Thinking as a Science 

“Just do it! First you make your habits, then your habits make you!”
― Lucas Remmerswaal, The A-Z of 13 Habits: Inspired by Warren Buffett
“Good habits are the basic tools that will determine whether you are a tortoise
or hare in life!”
― Lucas Remmerswaal, 13 Habits.com the Tale of Tortoise Buffett and Trader Hare
“Habits define who we are from the outside in, more than who we are defines us from the inside out.”
― Jarod Kintz, 99 Cents For Some Nonsense
“Courage is a requirement for facing your fears, doing things differently, and applying any new habits that align with and support your goals.”
― John Manning, The Disciplined Leader: Keeping the Focus on What Really Matters
“Habits of action cultivated early in life lay the foundation for unique skill sets able to carve a path beyond the mundane and into the relevant.”
― Marian Deegan, Relevance: Matter More  

What Men & Women want, how to find the right kind of people, and how does dancing help!

Why dating events are good way of meeting ppl... 

In events (and my area of expertise is dance), participants are put in situations / activities and it's a great place to see how ppl behave in situations. High-stress situations can show how we react to stresses in our life, especially when we are out of our element. 

After viewing the dating show, 'it's a date', you get to see how ppl react and the impression it leaves on others. Of course it doesn't truly reflect our normal characters, but we can learn from these situations and learn how to react and how not to behave. 

Another interesting observation is that the best looking ones are not the winners here. Rather, the most adorable girl or the most 'damsel in distress' get picked; the guy that can make the girls feel the most comfortable and who take charge without being dominating tends to win out in this game. 

Is it really a surprise? Not really. Even though it seems obvious when we sit down n think about it, somehow on the superficial level we tend to forget it.  Men like to help women, but not be taken advantage of.  When they can help out, they feel important and useful.  But the thing they hate most is to be taken advantage of.  They like to be respected.  (Actually this applies to women too!)  When it comes to dating and relationships, many women tend to forget that, and usually, that's when things go haywire.

Women, on the other hand, like men who can entertain them; men who can tell jokes and can see humor in things that they do can make women laugh and that's important to them.  They like men with quiet confidence, who are secure in who they are, but who also respect them, who can take charge when needed, but is not domineering.

Actually, when we take a step back and see, we can tell that the qualities that we are looking for are the same, be it for a man or woman.  We are all looking for someone who is comfortable in their own skin, and are secure in who they are.  We are looking for someone who can find humor in things they do, with a zest for life, but who also can be serious and get things done when needed.  Someone responsible, but who doesn't take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves if needed.  We also like people who respect us, and by respecting, it means that they take the time to listen (not dominate), and are not afraid to change their minds if they feel that their partner has a better solution to problems.

Looking at this, it seems that the qualities we are looking for are character qualities, not superficial qualities.  However, our actions don't necessarily reflect this.  For example, we seem to automatically gravitate towards better looking, attractive ppl and place the less attractive ones on the sidelines, especially in situations that only allow for short interactions.  Nobody likes being labelled and stereotyped, but we tend to do so -all to some degree - because sometimes we don't have the time to learn more about each other.

Teaching many ppl how to dance and seeing many interactions between people has opened my eyes to a lot of things (though I don't claim to be an expert).  I have learnt to understand characters by their responses (mannerisms and speech).  I also learn to understand them by their innate unconscious responses in daily menial tasks.  People who spontaneously help out without asking, who offer assistance in things are the keepers.  They may not be the best speakers or the most charming, but they 'got your back' and will help when you need.  These are true friends; whether they become more than friends, time will tell.  But I want them in my life as friends and buddies because I know I will have a great time in whatever we do.

Some people go around frantically from boyfriend to boyfriend (or girlfriend to girlfriend) trying to find the someone who 'completes' them.  I heard this from my pastor talking about BGR and find it to be so true.  If you find someone because he/she completes the other half of you, it never works.  After a while, you will still find that part of you empty.  You need to first be comfortable, secure and confident in your own skin, find someone who is also comfortable and secure in his/her own skin, and come together to become 200% (100% + 100% = 200%, not 50% + 50% = 100%).  Needy people are hard to build life together with as they consume a lot of your energy, you spend time fighting fires (reassuring doubts) rather than growing together.  A 'whole' person (for want of a better word) doesn't necessarily need to be super confident and doesn't need to know everything... the opposite actually...  

That whole person is wise / humble enough to know that he/she doesn't know everything, and is comfortable with that.  He/she doesn't feel a need to demonstrate how much he/she knows; but is more concerned about the welfare of others rather than what others think of him/her.  We are attracted to people who give, rather than people who take.  Rather than trying to get or find the right person for you, work on being the right person and you will attract the right kind of people,and have many people for you to choose from. 

And now where does dancing come into play with all these?  (Dance is my life so of course it comes into play! haha...)  I may be traditional in thinking, but I feel that there is an element to dancing (partner dances) that subtly and inevitably teaches men and women to behave in certain ways that works in a relationship... 

I'm gonna just touch on the surface here, otherwise it will be too long to read.  When 2 people come together to dance, the men leads; the woman has to be willing to be led (she has to let him lead).  Note that she is not a docile obedient piece of equipment for him to push and pull around, but a living and breathing body that is placed in his hands to guide.  He has to cherish her, take care of her, lead her into amazing moves that she otherwise would not be able to do on her own.  The lady, by releasing her will to him and allowing him to take over control of her movements, must learn to flow within his movements.  She is not 'mindless'; she is balanced on her own, she moves her own feet, etc, but the catch is that she moves in sync with him.  She has to learn to listen to his cues in order to flow with him.  She assists by supporting him and following him if he falters.  

The man has to plan his moves, and the planning of his moves includes his partner's, and move both of them to flow together so that they both move in sync together flowing from one movement to the next.  The key is that in order for them to move fluidly together, they have to learn how to communicate: listen to each other's movements, and react to accommodate and flow from one movement to the next.  It's a piece of art that is different with every partner, and someone who understands this can relate it to life.

Of course it's not an exact science and there are other things to observe, but I find this to be true and feel that this kinda helps us to become better partners in a relationship.  =)

Sometimes, we get a little lost in life. 
Sometimes, we don't see the reason why. 
Sometimes, we get tired of it all.

Hold on, hang on, you'll see the light.
Hold on, hang tight, you'll reap the reward.

Sometimes, people disappoint.
Sometimes, things don't go the way you want.
Sometimes, giving up seems like the best option.

Hold on, hang on, you'll pull through.
Hold on, hang tight, you'll succeed.

It's just a little while more,
It's just a little bit longer,
You'll make it through it all,
You'll make it through alright.

Fears, Failures and Set Backs are a Part of Life.

Back in 2006, when I made the decision to forgo by Honors 3 weeks before my exams, my main concern was whether I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.  It was pure irony (and thanks to the ridiculous grading system) that I had 3 Fs in my final year and merely dropped from a high 2nd-lower to a low 2nd-lower grade in my bachelors degree.

My main reason for dropping out from honors was that I didn't have time to study, and I had to reject many overseas assignments due to the fact that I was studying and could not concentrate fully on my dance career.  But when I stopped school, there seemed to be a lull in overseas offers.  It seemed terrifying for a few months, when it seemed like I may have dropped school for nothing.

But I trudged on despite my fears.  I continued teaching classes like I used to, and I also took on more responsibilities in the school in terms of admin duties and such.  For a while, it kinda seemed like I dropped honors to work an administrative job,  rather than to further my career in dance.  I prayed and hoped and worked hard; perhaps dropping out of school early forced me to work harder to prove everyone wrong...

Things seemed really slow at the beginning of the year just when I stopped school, but eventually (and it took 6 months to 1 year) my efforts paid off.  I was invited to numerous cities to teach and perform.  My efforts did not go to waste, and the decision to drop out of school was a good one.  In the 'slow' period, it may have seemed like my decision to stop school was a bad one, but what I was actually doing during that time was laying the foundations to go international.  The hours spent doing admin work, answering phone calls, teaching more classes, etc was actually preparing me to be an artiste. 

I packed and cleaned the school, did lots of 'dirty' work, answered a lot of sales calls and taught many classes... These trained my personality and character to be like an artiste: I was not afraid of hard or dirty work; I developed a character to 'I can do it anytime' rather than 'why me?'; I developed my skill and charisma as a teacher and dancer in classes.  As such, I was an asset as an artiste in overseas festivals and congresses: I was ready to perform and teach many kinds of dances whenever they needed me to (it was usually last minute); my hours doing sales calls allowed me to be able to talk to many dancers to participate in the festivals and events; I could stand waiting long hours for businesses to be conducted (into the wee hours of 6am in the morning) or grueling schedules of teaching 2 - 4 hours of classes the whole day followed by a performance that night and a party after that...

The training I received in the school helped me to be able to do all that and more.  And in hind sight, I can guess that anyone who has not been through the training I received would not have been able to experience half of what I got to experience.

Hard work and experiencing failures are important and crucial to Success.

Many people can't see that the 'dirty' work is a part of the 'glorious' work.  Without all the slogging away, I wouldn't have been able to become the kind of artiste I am today.  Without all the chances I was given to build and teach and perform, and especially all the opportunities I was given to fail in the school (where the consequences were not as big), I would not have been such a success overseas.  Without all the scolding I received from my teacher, I would not have been able to take hard and serious training by top artistes under high pressure and limited time.  A diamond that is uncut is just a dull rock.  The cutting process is grueling, painful and dirty, but the finished product is beautiful, and worth the effort. 

Throughout the process of my 'cutting', I had many fears, worries, doubts and failures.  There were classes I did not teach well; there were events that I did not manage well; there were crucial errors that I overlooked.  Setbacks, fears and worries are a part of living a full life.  Success not doing something or becoming someone without failure; success is daring to do something or become someone despite the failures.  “Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be.” - Meg Cabot

There are many 'what ifs' in life's road.  If we let ourselves get bogged down by these 'what ifs', we will not be able to live a full life.  To me, what is important is that I live as full a life that I can lead, without compromising my integrity and principals.  When it comes to smarts, I'm not the smartest, neither am I the most ambitious.  However, I am very determined to keep learning, keep growing and keep giving my best.  As such, things may set me back a little, but if I am willing and patient, I will conquer it and become better because of it.

30 Years from Now...

Young people tend to live in the now.  Our lives are revolved around today and at this present moment.  Many times, we just do what feels best now.  I find that whenever I succumb to my feelings in the present, I often miss out on the good that I could have done at that moment for my future.

There's a popular quote from the bible: So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  I'm not actually contradicting this quote, and I'm not saying that we should worry about tomorrow.  What I'm saying is that we should always keep in mind that our actions today will affect our tomorrows.  Throwing temper at a loved one today could result in many unpleasant tomorrows.  Not completing a crucial task today may result in a very stressed tomorrow.

Someone wise just told me recently... always think 30 years.  30 years from now, what do you see yourself doing?  Where do you see yourself going?  He said that young people tend to be influenced by present feelings, emotions and talk from themselves and friends.  These may lead to decisions that seem good and logical in the short run (it settles a short term problem), but may be harmful in the long run (it may affect what you become in the future).  By thinking 30 years ahead, it can help you to keep on the path that you want to get on, and it can help you to make the right decisions and not be easily swayed by the easy solution that can solve short term problems but be detrimental to you in the long run.

So think about it:
What kind of person do you see yourself as, 30 years from now?
Who do you see yourself (friends? family?) surrounded by 30 years from now?
What do you see yourself doing 30 years from now?
And 30 years from now, would you have been pleased that you made this decision or would you have regretted your choice?

I think it's worth a thought. =)

The Person Behind the Star – On the Importance of Coaches and Mentors

There are many famous people in the world – TV stars, Hollywood stars, Sports stars, Presidents, Multi-billionaires who have successfully built up organizations like Donald Trump, Bill Gates, etc. Most of us are focused on these people and we often idolize them, wondering at their talent and luck to be so successful in life. However, there is one thing that we tend to overlook: the person behind these Stars, as I will call them. These people behind the Stars are the ones who guide, encourage and lead the Stars to their success. They are known as coaches, mentors, advisors or simply, teachers. These teachers play a huge part in bringing the Stars to such great achievements that make them known throughout the world. They teach the Stars what to do, how to act, where to go, what to say…

They are important because they have the experience in their field and know all the shortcuts: they can guide their protégé to success in the fastest way possible. The really good teachers care for their students, and help them to achieve things beyond their imagination. As a dancer, I never really dared to believe that I could ever be the best in Singapore, let alone one of the top few in Asia. I came into Salsa wanting to learn something new in my spare time. Little did I know, I struck a jackpot. I found a teacher who was willing and cared enough to guide me, lead me, encourage me and scold me to become what I am today – a good dancer. I still have a long way to go, but what I have achieved through his guidance is already beyond what I even dared to dream. If not because of a good teacher and mentor who convinced me time and again that I could do it, pointed out the way to achieving it, showed me that it was alright to dream big because it was really after all, not that difficult to reach (“it’s easy” is what he says), and at times give me a little kick in the butt to push me further on, I would not be where I am today.

Me at the NUS Achievement Awards Ceremony, where I was awarded for my local & international achievements in Salsa for the year 2006.

A common misunderstanding that I come across is that people tend to think that a good teacher must be able to dance well, or at least better than them. Because dancing is very visual, some people feel that the teacher must be able to dance well so that they have a role model to follow in class. This strikes me as weird because we are often trained by teachers who are less flexible and technically worse than us in ballet. Ballet is such a precise dance that older people in general will not be able to manage the dance (in terms of technique, stamina, flexibility, etc) as well as the younger dancers. Although it is important to get inspiration from a good dancer, it doesn’t necessarily need to come from the teacher. It can come from other students or even professional dancers. I feel that it is more important for teachers to be able to teach well. A good teacher will not only take care of your physical training, but also focus a significant part of your training on conquering mental blocks, doubts and fears.

Even the best dancer in the world needs a teacher. Tiger Woods is the best golfer in the world, and he has 3 coaches. He clearly is better than any of his 3 teachers, why does he still need a teacher? That is because he still needs an experienced eye to point out his mistakes and to make him belief that he is the best golfer in the world. As dancers, we can’t see our mistakes when we dance, and sometimes, we need a second opinion to ensure that what we do looks good. We need someone to scold us when we are lax, someone to guide us when we are lost, someone to plan for our training so that we can focus on perfecting our moves and not worry about planning for our future as dancers. Most importantly, we need someone to encourage us and make us belief that we have what it takes to be the best. We need someone to motivate us, to push us on and to believe in us. This is what I feel makes the best teachers. Someone who believes in me, who never gives up on me and who will always be there to guide me through the roughest patches. It’s amazing how much we can achieve when someone believes in us.

PS: This article is dedicated to my teacher and mentor. It’s been truly a blessing and such a great adventure these past 3 years. Words can’t express my heartfelt gratitude.

PPS: Good families are also important for the same reasons, don’t you think? And I have a great family! =)

My Journey

By Yanqing, 22/01/07

Many people who have come into Xenbar have undergone miraculous changes. I will not try to sum up the whole extend of all those changes, but I will attempt to describe my journey.

In my two and a half years there, I’ve blossomed from a toot and blur little girl to a happy, confident and skillful person. I’ve never had much ambition in life, and always had a vague idea that God would know what He wanted me to do and send me to do it. Little did I know that He had big dreams for me; dreams that I did not even fathom of dreaming. Of course, God was smart. He knew that I would freak out if I knew, or my head would swell so big with that thought that He didn’t bother to let me know. Instead, he sent me a miracle. A miracle of a man who could see a part of His plan such that he could guide me down that path. That man had the facilities and the resources to fulfill His plans for me. One month into my training, He sent an invite from Thailand and charted me on my course to dance overseas; something I never even dreamed or considered was possible. Don’t ask me why, maybe I’m a girl and a romantic, but my journey as a dancer is one long miraculous ride. I mean I work hard and have loads of fun along the way. I’ve found the man of my dreams and achieved many things that I never asked for but was bestowed upon me… A girl can’t ask for more that that right?

Many people wonder why I’m pursing dance as my career. They’re astonished and express regret that I decided not to pursue my honors degree just to dance. But honestly, I didn’t choose my career; it fell upon my lap and I would have been stupid not to pursue it. Hey, you only live once anyway. And now that I’m in this, I’ve never been happier. I love what I’m doing, and I’ve grown so much as a person and a character. I still have so much more to grow, and I can’t wait to see what He has for me next.

“Oh that you would bless us indeed, and enlarge our territories, that your hand would be with us, and that your would keep us away from evil, that we may not cause pain!” – 1 Chronicles 4:10

Interesting quote:
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.
But I can't decide if it's a cynical and ironic tone or positively brimming with "making the best of things". If any, I choose the latter. So I must add an exclaimation mark at the end...
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!

Sometimes I feel that we are all trying so hard in this world that there are times we aren't sure if what we're doing is rite. And we are not aware that we fall into habits... As Principal Ong says (did I mentioned tt he has been 'upgraded'?), we're creatures of habit. We alwiz fall back on what we are most comfortable in doing. What I'll call our instincts. We all have certain instincts that are honed and tuned, some more than others. If we have the habit of lying to others, we will tend to fall back on lying when we're in a fix. It's not that we want to lie, but lying comes so naturally to us that it becomes our instinct to do so. if this is true, then we hafta constantly ensure that we are disciplining ourselves to be the kind of person we wanna be. Alwiz stop & check from time to time to check that we are molding ourselves to be a person wif good character. Call me kiasu, but i think this has greater consequences than we give it credit for. I dun wanna to 'wake up' 5 years later and wonder what kind of person I've become & how did it happen. Some things are better to play safe. After all, I only live once, better make sure I enjoy every moment of it. Of course, there are moments when we all have to let our hair down, but alwiz gotta keep ourselves in check and not sway off the delicate equilibrium. Therefore I must be careful to hone the good instincts, not those that may be detrimental to my life...
I like being stupid... Keekee. Issit a good instinct to hone? I wonder...
Unfortunately, it's not too professional. It may become an occupational hazzard if I act stupid all the time... Wait I really become stupid how???? Ah... toking nonsense...

I'm beginning to realize the trueness of a common saying,it goes something like this: "Your friends shape who you are"... Many times I've realized that the people I'm wif influence the attitude I adopt. Different people and I've got a different attitude. What can I say, I've not been much of a trendsetter, an obedient koala...
Now, when I'm expected to lead people, I do see the trends... The situational factors are important (forgive my organizational lingo)... I've seen people's attitudes change as different ppl influence them... This doesn't do much harm by itself, but I'm becoming aware that we often hafta analyze and see if that influence is necessarily good... Long term and short.
Building Xen has not been a bed of roses (lots of ups and downs, lots of manual work), but it's definitely been really worth it to see the club grow. Of course there's alwiz set backs, but tt's how we learn. Personally, I'm fortunate to find a good friend that has let me grow and learn. Experiences like that are repulsive at first thought (short term), but really rewarding in hindsight (long term). I think we've been truly blessed, and I definitely pray for greater blessings! What can I say? When you pray for a true friend, God certainly sends a high-quality one. I mean, hell, I din even noe what I was asking for, but he knew. Haha... And my gosh, did my life explode!

And as I reach the same time of the year - the dreaded exams and essays are due - I wonder... How did I get through the previous sems... And will I get through this sem in one whole, healthy and blessed piece? I sure hope so!!!

Something has been bothering me the past few days, and I can finally put my finger to it.

It's called... Consequence.

And I think it's a crucial life lesson we must learn. It's not that I'm deterministic or sadistic or ultra-conservative. It's just that there are many things that we don't see clearly. Read Lessig's "Free Culture", and he gave the example of DDT insecticide and how it became so popular when it was first invented. Everyone used it. Then they started realizing that it affected the environment: birds stopped reproducing, the ecosystem was being disrupted... There's just too many direct and indirect consequences that we can't keep track them all. Even if we do keep track of them, they are dynamic factors, not static and easy to predict. We can advocate for freedom to voice out our views, but sometimes we don't really consider the consequences that this freedom can result in. It may cause other problems that we cannot foresee.

What I'm trying to (ineloquently) say is that most things are like a double-edged sword. DDT is good and solves many problems of holey veggy, but it also brings about many problems in its wake. Sometimes, we wanna voice out our frustrations about a certain claim; e.g., we should encourage democratic free speech. But in advocating this, there are other consequences; e.g., rudeness, impoliteness, insults? Yeah, we assume that people are enlightened, and "should know better", but it doesn't alwiz happen that way does it? I've seen some decent and smart people that I totally lost respect for when they go too far in pushing their boundaries. I don't blame them however, coz I've done that myself too, on many occasions and learnt a bitter lesson... But I get very discouraged and disillusion. Oh well, *learning*. I'm the last person on earth who will be labbelled a saint, so who am I to judge? As the saying goes, let go and let God. Haha... Yes I'm an absolutely dependent creature. I'm a koala, I koala the eucalyptus everyday. What else can I say? That's me.

Well, as Principal Ong say (Yes, he has been 'upgraded', kee kee), you can't force anyone to do anything they don't wanna do. You can only explain to them how they can benefit from it. The rest is up to them. It's their choice, it's their life. My gosh... If I'm having so much problems with this, how am I gonna cope if I have a child??? Am I a control freak? *Panic* Sympathies for all the parents out there...

Went to church on Sunday. As usual, it taught me a lot. Pastor Prince talked about being filled with the spirit, and reminded us that everything has no straightforward answer; e.g., God says this or God says that. Everything is contextual and contingent. It's situational. That's why there are so many examples given in the bible. What's important is that we feel the prompting of the Holy Spirit. A certain feeling within us that feels us with peace when we make a decision.

He also said that God lives in the now, and we are frequently directed one step at a time.

I kinda agree with it, coz I realized tt looking for signs are never gonna be accurate. I remember that I used to say, "God please gimme a sign what to do: If the next bus that comes along is a 10, I'll do this, not that." Then the bus appears and all, and I'm still not sure! So I say, "God, if the crow flies in front of me, I'll do it. Please gimme a 2nd confirmation." If not, the answer tt I'm not looking for appears then I say "this one's not counted, let's try again."... until what I'm looking for appears. I can say one thing I learnt from this: it doesn't work! Yep, I exhibit the characteristics of a Kiasu Singaporean.

I alwiz believe that when we have a decision to make, and we ponder over the dilema for days and days, most of the time, we already have the answer in us. It's a feeling. It's not logical deducations but an intuitive feeling. But we don't dare to take that step for fear of choosing the wrong thing. Many times, we seek verification from without: others, signs.... I alwiz find that I eventually choose what I already have decided in the first place. Why? Coz it feels like the right thing... *shrug* Seems remarkably like what Pastor Prince says.

Me as Princess Jasmine, Carlton Hotel New Year Countdown 05

On Slinky Short Skirts

Had lunch wif Nick today and we saw this gal who was dressed like she saw going to a club that night: mini-skirt that juz covered her bum, stilettos and big earring loops. The highpoint came when she bent over to get her bag... Bet all the guys were looking. He must have been drooling, could practically hear him gulp (haha hope he doesn't read this or he'll have my hide!). He commented that all the gals should dress like that to school... My first reaction was that it probably doesn't set a good impression, especially wif all the conventional profs and may be a little rude to dress so slinkily all the time. Of course, I have enuf problems waking up in the morn, dun even ask me to make up and dress up everyday! But on second thought, it may do us gals good if the guys are kept preoccupied by all the skin... Less people to compete wif and we may rise up on the bell curve of the marking list! Haha... Juz a wicked thought!

On Advertising

Put the koala pix in the open for all to see? Ohmigosh... I think I can change my koala residence from a eucalyptus to under the bed lah... Jiat lat if everyone see that, they'll recognize me! How how? *run around in circles* I need to invest in a nice mask or wig... I wonder if I'll be left alone to crawl around... Hmm, headlines should put: "Come to Xen to measure the koala's mouth open wide wide! 10 cents to throw garbage into her mouth from the entrance of XCC room (which is for XCC members only, so no entry!). Win a dvd if you throw in 3 times! $2 to take picture wif the koala! Purchase the XCC pass for $5880 to tickle the koala in slumber!" Keekee...

On Blessings

On the subject of fame, Douglas said that I'm pretty well known in the Salsa scene: whoever he knew who danced salsa knew me... This is embarrassing lah. He was shocked that I teach 5 days a week at Xen. I wonder what he'd think if he knew that I was there everyday. How do I study and survive? By the grace of God if you ask me, and nothing else! I have at least one moment of panic every sem (esp when the deadlines come) and somehow, He comforts me and assures me. *shrug* I think every sem that I survive is a miracle. He sends angels along the way too. Friends that I couldn't possibly do without who remind me to study and patiently help me out. I pray for his blessings everyday and thank him ferverently for them.

I did 8 spins yesterday!! I have now decided to set a goal... 10!! That'll be fun... keekee. I wanna be able to tell my grandchildren: "You know ah, your grandmother used to be able to do 10 spins when she was young ah...."" Yep, that's my motivation!

Well, I gotta shrug it all aside. It's time to forgive, myself especially, for not having the confidence to carry things through the right and proper way. Yep, I din do the best, but I learn. Life goes on. Haha

Gonna meet my ballet students for breakfast tomm (this?) morn. Haha it's high time lah. Lousy teacher I am. Must make it a weekly or monthly thing. Macs breakfast!!! I miss it... Haiz, the things that make me happy are such foolish things... I'm such a foolish gal. Heehee...

Gimme a diamond, I'll stare at it and go "Wow..." (speechless silent- wat the hell am I supposed to say here?)
Gimme a Sausage McMuffin, I'll stare for a short while, gleefully squeal in utmost (greedy!) delight, scramble furiously to open the wrapper and promptly proceed to dispose of it into my awaiting stomach! Keekee... I sound like cookie monster.

In defense of my greedy self, we only live once and I dun get to eat it that often! Anyway, hunger is a basic need to satisfy. I should add:.. eat..crawl..danz..sleep..koala.. My basic needs. Haha...

koala koala

1st Singapore Salsa Open Competition 2005

As a teacher,
there are times when you're so proud of them that your heart threatens to burst
there are times when you're so frustrated that you wanna wrench your hair apart
there are times when you're so disappointed that you can't bring yourself to speak
there are times when their genuine thanks leaves you at a loss for words that tears well up in your eyes.

As a dancer,
there are times when everything juz goes
there are times when the flow's not really there
there are times when the hard work becomes all worthwhile with the enthusiastic applause
there are times when the music just kidnaps your soul into another world and you explode with exuberant joy.

As a dance teacher,
you wanna share it all with them
you hope they feel your passion
you ache when they're in mutiny
but when their eyes illuminate in that moment of discovery, all the frustrations vanish like the shadows in the wake of the morning sun.

How can we describe dance?
You have to see it to understand.
You have to experience that feeling of reckless abandon when you let it all go and become one with the music.
You have to try it to know that euphoric moment of estacy:

The music lifts your soul,
the drums tickles your feet,
the melody entraps your body,
You juz dance...

I was very (absurdly) happy this afternoon. Went to buy 3 carton load of canned drinks from the minimart. The uncle who owned the shop choked when he saw me carrying all 3 cartons up to him. Haha... He said, "Wah you're very strong!" and scrambled to clear some space for me to put them on the counter. Haha, cheap thrill...

Anyway, it makes me think. Many times, things aren't really as difficult as they seem to be. I din even consider that maybe I couldn't carry them and it wasn't really that heavy. But if someone told me it was really heavy & all, I'll probably not try to lift all 3... So I guess the saying's true (though probably not all the time lah), that if you believe, you can do it...

I must therefore now believe that I can do all my essays in time and produce a good one!! *Ommmmmmmm*

It's so funny: the simplest things make you the happiest - the absurd way the ppl in Friends try to cover up for each other; the stupid things you do to make ppl around you laugh; swaying to the beat of good music; the satisfaction of teaching a good class; the surge of pleasure to see your student hit an "eureka" moment and breakthrough in their dancing; the wild thrill and adrendaline surge after doing a great performance. These things money can't buy... But our lives are constantly enriched by it. Feelin' Blessed, but there's still a long way to go... A lot to live and to learn. Yep yep... Life goes on, crawling along.

Went to Union today. Din feel the kick I felt last week, but it went pretty ok lah. Four ppl asked me about classes... Shine seemed to be a hot topic. Talking about shine, I saw this MTV featuring Shakira doing some amazing belly stuff. *inspired*

Gosh better hit the bed or I'll be sprawled on the sofa tomm at 7pm wif my mouth hanging wide open again!!