In events (and my area of expertise is dance), participants
are put in situations / activities and it's a great place to see how ppl
behave in situations. High-stress situations can show how we react to
stresses in our life, especially when we are out of our element.
After
viewing the dating show, 'it's a date', you get to see how ppl react
and the impression it leaves on others. Of course it doesn't truly
reflect our normal characters, but we can learn from these situations and learn how to react and
how not to behave.
Another
interesting observation is that the best looking ones are not the
winners here. Rather, the most adorable girl or the most 'damsel in
distress' get picked; the guy that can make the girls feel
the most comfortable and who take charge without being dominating tends
to win out in this game.
Is
it really a surprise? Not really. Even though it seems obvious when we sit down n think about it, somehow
on the superficial level we tend to forget it. Men like to help women, but not be taken advantage of. When they can help out, they feel important and useful. But the thing they hate most is to be taken advantage of. They like to be respected. (Actually this applies to women too!) When it comes to dating and relationships, many women tend to forget that, and usually, that's when things go haywire.
Women, on the other hand, like men who can entertain them; men who can tell jokes and can see humor in things that they do can make women laugh and that's important to them. They like men with quiet confidence, who are secure in who they are, but who also respect them, who can take charge when needed, but is not domineering.
Actually, when we take a step back and see, we can tell that the qualities that we are looking for are the same, be it for a man or woman. We are all looking for someone who is comfortable in their own skin, and are secure in who they are. We are looking for someone who can find humor in things they do, with a zest for life, but who also can be serious and get things done when needed. Someone responsible, but who doesn't take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves if needed. We also like people who respect us, and by respecting, it means that they take the time to listen (not dominate), and are not afraid to change their minds if they feel that their partner has a better solution to problems.
Looking at this, it seems that the qualities we are looking for are character qualities, not superficial qualities. However, our actions don't necessarily reflect this. For
example, we seem to automatically gravitate towards better looking,
attractive ppl and place the less attractive ones on the sidelines, especially in situations that only allow for short interactions. Nobody likes being labelled and stereotyped, but we tend to do so -all to some degree - because sometimes we don't have the time to learn more about each other.
Teaching many ppl how to dance and seeing many interactions between people has opened my eyes to a lot of things (though I don't claim to be an expert). I have learnt to understand characters by their responses (mannerisms and speech). I also learn to understand them by their innate unconscious responses in daily menial tasks. People who spontaneously help out without asking, who offer assistance in things are the keepers. They may not be the best speakers or the most charming, but they 'got your back' and will help when you need. These are true friends; whether they become more than friends, time will tell. But I want them in my life as friends and buddies because I know I will have a great time in whatever we do.
Some people go around frantically from boyfriend to boyfriend (or girlfriend to girlfriend) trying to find the someone who 'completes' them. I heard this from my pastor talking about BGR and find it to be so true. If you find someone because he/she completes the other half of you, it never works. After a while, you will still find that part of you empty. You need to first be comfortable, secure and confident in your own skin, find someone who is also comfortable and secure in his/her own skin, and come together to become 200% (100% + 100% = 200%, not 50% + 50% = 100%). Needy people are hard to build life together with as they consume a lot of your energy, you spend time fighting fires (reassuring doubts) rather than growing together. A 'whole' person (for want of a better word) doesn't necessarily need to be super confident and doesn't need to know everything... the opposite actually...
That whole person is wise / humble enough to know that he/she doesn't know everything, and is comfortable with that. He/she doesn't feel a need to demonstrate how much he/she knows; but is more concerned about the welfare of others rather than what others think of him/her. We are attracted to people who give, rather than people who take. Rather than trying to get or find the right person for you, work on being the right person and you will attract the right kind of people,and have many people for you to choose from.
And now where does dancing come into play with all these? (Dance is my life so of course it comes into play! haha...) I may be traditional in thinking, but I feel that there is an element to dancing (partner dances) that subtly and inevitably teaches men and women to behave in certain ways that works in a relationship...
I'm gonna just touch on the surface here, otherwise it will be too long to read. When 2 people come together to dance, the men leads; the woman has to be willing to be led (she has to let him lead). Note that she is not a docile obedient piece of equipment for him to push and pull around, but a living and breathing body that is placed in his hands to guide. He has to cherish her, take care of her, lead her into amazing moves that she otherwise would not be able to do on her own. The lady, by releasing her will to him and allowing him to take over control of her movements, must learn to flow within his movements. She is not 'mindless'; she is balanced on her own, she moves her own feet, etc, but the catch is that she moves in sync with him. She has to learn to listen to his cues in order to flow with him. She assists by supporting him and following him if he falters.
The man has to plan his moves, and the planning of his moves includes his partner's, and move both of them to flow together so that they both move in sync together flowing from one movement to the next. The key is that in order for them to move fluidly together, they have to learn how to communicate: listen to each other's movements, and react to accommodate and flow from one movement to the next. It's a piece of art that is different with every partner, and someone who understands this can relate it to life.
Of course it's not an exact science and there are other things to observe, but I find this to be true and feel that this kinda helps us to become better partners in a relationship. =)
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