Fears, Failures and Set Backs are a Part of Life.

Back in 2006, when I made the decision to forgo by Honors 3 weeks before my exams, my main concern was whether I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.  It was pure irony (and thanks to the ridiculous grading system) that I had 3 Fs in my final year and merely dropped from a high 2nd-lower to a low 2nd-lower grade in my bachelors degree.

My main reason for dropping out from honors was that I didn't have time to study, and I had to reject many overseas assignments due to the fact that I was studying and could not concentrate fully on my dance career.  But when I stopped school, there seemed to be a lull in overseas offers.  It seemed terrifying for a few months, when it seemed like I may have dropped school for nothing.

But I trudged on despite my fears.  I continued teaching classes like I used to, and I also took on more responsibilities in the school in terms of admin duties and such.  For a while, it kinda seemed like I dropped honors to work an administrative job,  rather than to further my career in dance.  I prayed and hoped and worked hard; perhaps dropping out of school early forced me to work harder to prove everyone wrong...

Things seemed really slow at the beginning of the year just when I stopped school, but eventually (and it took 6 months to 1 year) my efforts paid off.  I was invited to numerous cities to teach and perform.  My efforts did not go to waste, and the decision to drop out of school was a good one.  In the 'slow' period, it may have seemed like my decision to stop school was a bad one, but what I was actually doing during that time was laying the foundations to go international.  The hours spent doing admin work, answering phone calls, teaching more classes, etc was actually preparing me to be an artiste. 

I packed and cleaned the school, did lots of 'dirty' work, answered a lot of sales calls and taught many classes... These trained my personality and character to be like an artiste: I was not afraid of hard or dirty work; I developed a character to 'I can do it anytime' rather than 'why me?'; I developed my skill and charisma as a teacher and dancer in classes.  As such, I was an asset as an artiste in overseas festivals and congresses: I was ready to perform and teach many kinds of dances whenever they needed me to (it was usually last minute); my hours doing sales calls allowed me to be able to talk to many dancers to participate in the festivals and events; I could stand waiting long hours for businesses to be conducted (into the wee hours of 6am in the morning) or grueling schedules of teaching 2 - 4 hours of classes the whole day followed by a performance that night and a party after that...

The training I received in the school helped me to be able to do all that and more.  And in hind sight, I can guess that anyone who has not been through the training I received would not have been able to experience half of what I got to experience.

Hard work and experiencing failures are important and crucial to Success.

Many people can't see that the 'dirty' work is a part of the 'glorious' work.  Without all the slogging away, I wouldn't have been able to become the kind of artiste I am today.  Without all the chances I was given to build and teach and perform, and especially all the opportunities I was given to fail in the school (where the consequences were not as big), I would not have been such a success overseas.  Without all the scolding I received from my teacher, I would not have been able to take hard and serious training by top artistes under high pressure and limited time.  A diamond that is uncut is just a dull rock.  The cutting process is grueling, painful and dirty, but the finished product is beautiful, and worth the effort. 

Throughout the process of my 'cutting', I had many fears, worries, doubts and failures.  There were classes I did not teach well; there were events that I did not manage well; there were crucial errors that I overlooked.  Setbacks, fears and worries are a part of living a full life.  Success not doing something or becoming someone without failure; success is daring to do something or become someone despite the failures.  “Courage is not the absence of fear but the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. For now you are traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be.” - Meg Cabot

There are many 'what ifs' in life's road.  If we let ourselves get bogged down by these 'what ifs', we will not be able to live a full life.  To me, what is important is that I live as full a life that I can lead, without compromising my integrity and principals.  When it comes to smarts, I'm not the smartest, neither am I the most ambitious.  However, I am very determined to keep learning, keep growing and keep giving my best.  As such, things may set me back a little, but if I am willing and patient, I will conquer it and become better because of it.