I have no idea how it was like for you growing up as a child, but for me, my childhood were filled with dreams, fantasies, stories of fairies, princesses, sword fights, elves, wizards... I flew high among the stars, I fought with big evil dragons, I danced with my prince charming... I had it all, I was what I wanted to be, I was basically a nerd. With my nose stuck in books after books of fantasies.
Besides my love for reading passed on to me by my father, I danced too. I took ballet classes since when I could remember. This love was passed down by my mother who said, "When I was young, I always wanted to learn Ballet but we were poor. Now I bring you to learn Ballet".
I remember my first lesson. I was wearing a dress and together with my sister, we went into this huge empty space brightly lit and full of mirrors. We were soon running around and before I knew it, we were taking Ballet classes. One month later would see a little me stubbornly refusing (for reasons that I couldn't fathom even then) to go into class, clingling tightly to my mother. Soon, I was going for Ballet class every Saturday, to sit and watch my sister take classes.
You would think that the teacher and dancer you see now would have taken to dance like ducks to water, but I didn't like dance when I first started. In fact, I refused to take classes. So my very kind teacher then allowed me to sit in the class and watch my sister and her dance mates learn all the steps. It took a year for my mum to coax me back to join the class. I have to thank my teacher, Ms Ho & my dear mum for their determination and persistence to put me into dance school. (in hindsight, I really don't know why they were so persistent, but I'm thankful they were!) After that, I fell in love with Ballet and the rest is history.
You would think that I was a great dancer from young... I was good, but not the best. I was above average but not the best, at least I thought so. I was a strong dancer (ok in terms of technique), but didn't have a clue about how to be expressive when dancing. My teacher used to get a fellow student of mine to demonstrate 'expression' in class, while I was usually amongst those called out to demonstrate technique. I used to look at her and wonder what did she have that I didn't, and why didn't I look like her? It used to puzzle my little mind...
Things changed for me one day when I decided that I would play a little game everytime I danced. I painted my fantasy world around me with each dance. I imagined that I was dancing in the most beautiful places: beautiful meadows, gorgeous waterfalls, etc. The classroom faded out of sight and the music transported me into my fantasy world with sparkling sunshine, lush greenery, astounding snow-capped mountains and pristine lakes. And suddenly, my teacher was praising me for having great expression and I was being called to demonstrate "expression". I thought nothing of it, and was a bit sheepish that I was bored and hence distracted myself in class with this game... "So this is what expression is about?" I asked myself, "just imagine that you have amazing scenery around you and get lost in that?" It seemed so... superficial, I didn't dare say how I did it.
But it brought my dancing into a whole new level. I scored the highest in class that year for exams (first time ever and I had been dancing for 4-5 years then). I also won a junior Ballet competition that very year. I was so young, I didn't even know what happened... All I knew was that I could spin quite well because I had saw the prima donna in the Nutcracker dancing and was happily copying her at home and pretending to be her and doing all her spins and jumps; and I was daydreaming in class, trying to create (in my imagination) the best scenery to dance to. Ahhh... the marvelous thoughts of a little child...
I guess all these experiences (and more) taught me some things about expression... You have to dare to do it; so long as you try, people will give you credit for trying and if you keep checking on your expression, you will get it the way you want it to look eventually.
Also, technique is only half the marks that the judge will give you. You can have perfect technique, but that will only give you 50% of the marks. The rest comes from your expression. The way I see it, our steps are not perfect/complete unless your have the right 'feel' / expression in place. Also, expression is something that is special because it comes from the heart; it's personal and unique. No 2 people will have the same feel (unless they work very hard to look the same).
Many people are scared to express themselves when they dance, feeling vulnerable. But i always tell them this:
1) People will give them credit for trying, and will support you for trying. Your expression doesn't have to be perfect, you just have to try. If you are good, others will compliment you; if it's not that good (yet), others will commend you for trying. I have seen students who are 'favorites' when performing because their faces are so entertaining, and people cheer them on for putting on a good 'face', even though it is not the most perfect.
2) Practice it now, when you are training so that you can have a good guess how it will look like when you try to use it when you perform/ compete. Many people put expression in the back burner, telling themselves that they will smile when they need to, and they always realize that it is not always the case when they see themselves later on video (it's too late by then though).
3) By trying to put at least some kind of expression, you will give me something to work on to correct you. I can't comment, correct or teach you expression if you don't try. If the face just clams up into what I call "zombie" mode, there is nothing to correct; expression is simply not there. It's like me asking them to do a bodywave and them refusing to do it. I can't correct it if I can't see it.
People kinda assume that expression is a given, it's instinct and it's either you have it or you don't. Consider this: expressions (happiness, sadness, mischievousness) are controlled by muscles. If you put in so much effort training your body muscles to perfect your techniques like spins, splits, jumps... Why can't you put in as much effort learning how to control your facial muscles? Sure it doesn't look good when you first start, but neither did your spins or your bodywaves look good at the beginning.
Another food for thought: If expressions are natural and instinctive, then how to actors make a living? Why do they go to acting classes? How do they make themselves cry/ be angry/ meek/ chirpy when they need to do so on screen? Simply put, they practice them. In fact, most acting classes contain a lot of practical exercises that focus on loosing your inhibitions and becoming less self conscious.
Wednesday, July 31
The Reversal of Roles in Salsa Tourism
My essay on Salsa for the Sociology of Tourism, one I did in school... I think I had some interesting observations, but din have much time to write it down properly.... Oh well, maybe next time I'll edit it. I'm posting it here in case I loose my essay, like I did my last one on gender relations!
Authenticity vs. Homogeneity
Salsa tourism is the gathering of salsa dancers from all over the world in a place which organizes a festival or congress (e.g., Hong Kong) where world renowned instructors teach, perform and social dance in the event which spans at least 4 days. These stars are brought in from all over the world to attract locals and tourists alike to participate in the festival. They show off their famously unique moves during the festivals and are hailed as authentic salsa dancers with original and unique moves that define the borders of salsa[1]. A person participating in the festival can be what Cohen calls an “experiential tourist” who seeks out the “mystified” experience of meeting these famous dancers in person, watching them perform, learning from them, and also, dancing with them (1979a, 1985 quoted in Mowforth and Munt, 74; MacCannell, 102). Participants also come to see new dance steps that have been invented and discovered, and they have a desire for these real, authentic experiences that can lead them to discover more about themselves and the dance (Inglis, 6).
Famous dancers have a huge following of dancers who will emulate their dance style and dressing. An example is Frankie Martinez and the Korean salsa scene. Top dancers emulate his dance style and dressing: Martinez likes to hold the bottom ends of his shirt and toy with it while he dances; many dancers in Korea do that. He has a certain unique style that consists of very quick footwork interspersed with slow body isolations, which is also emulated in Korea. Many of his performances have been adapted; e.g., he dressed like a pirate in one of his performances in Korea and in the Hong Kong Salsa Festival 2006, a performer emerged in clothing that was cut and ripped to look like rags that a pirate would wear, dancing in a style that was clearly adapted from Martinez’s. A point to note here is the disjuncture between what is said and what is done. Salsa advocates creativity and innovativeness in its dance. New styles are vigorously praised, and yet, they are furiously replicated.
Salsa tourism, which encourages the sharing of knowledge in salsa, thus raises the problem of homogeneity. With the massive copying of the “authentic”, the dancing scene becomes resoundingly duplicated as people imitate the dances, style, dressing and even music of their idols. This, however, is encouraged by the stars and the organizers behind the salsa festivals: imitation implies that the dancer is famous, and this ensures that he does not run out of business because his idols will pay to see him dance and teach. They will also buy his instructional DVDs and take additional classes from him. These will increase his status, wealth and power within the salsa scene. Mowforth and Munt (2003) in Tourism and Sustainability: Development and New Tourism in the Third World defined ideology as “the way relationships of power are inexorably interwoven in the production and representation of meaning which serves the interests of a particular social group” (46). The ideology of the authentic salsa dancer is endorsed by the festival organizers who commodify and sell him in the festival, thereby giving the dancer a good reputation which allows both of them to benefit. This commodification of a person is similar to that of a pop star, and in the context of salsa festivals, the more popular an artiste is, the higher price he fetches. Salsa festivals and celebrities survive on this commodification of the authentic good: the dancer.
As we have seen so far, salsa tourism attracts tourists to a locality by promising an experience of a lifetime in dancing with the top salsa dancers in the world. This commodification of the celebrity dancer has imperialist undertones: the world renowned dancers are from USA and Europe, largely colonial countries. This is due to the fact that Salsa was popularized in the USA and spread to Europe and then to Asia (where it is still relatively new). The salsa ‘hub’ is viewed to be in Los Angeles and New York, an environment whereby the standard is the highest and where most of the famous dancers originate. The inconsistent developments in the standard of dancing result in the unequal structural relationships in the salsa tourism industry whereby the less developed Asian countries adopt a more passive role in the festival by idolizing the celebrity dancers from the west and paying them to endorse their festivals (Stephen Britton quoted in Mowforth and Munt, 49-50).
Role Reversal
There are four categories of people we see in salsa festivals: the overseas artists, the local artists, the overseas participants and the local participants. My focus here is on the overseas artists in the festival. As clearly evident in the preceding paragraphs, the “authentic” commodity in salsa tourism is not the local culture or heritage but the tourists – the overseas artists – themselves. As such, there is a role reversal in salsa tourism, whereby the authentic is the tourist who makes himself the object of attention. Through the overseas artists, salsa tourism effectively draws overseas salsa fanatics into the country. Moreover, it also entices the local crowd to participate. However, unlike other forms of tourism, the locals are not the object of focus here; they are like local tourists, who come to see the “authentic”, and may undergo a liminal phase which temporarily “suspends” them from their norm to indulge in play and fantasy like a tourist (Tucker, 151).
In social dancing[2], the artists are the objects of the participants’ gaze (Urry, 1990a quoted in Mowforth and Munt, 72). These participants consume the “other” - the professional dancer - in their efforts to reach the romanticized perfection of dancing salsa (Lippard, 2-5; Mowforth and Munt, 73). The dancers are video-recorded and photographed, and it is a thrill for the participants to dance with them, which is all part of the experience of the salsa festival. This is similar to Tucker’s “living museum”, where tourists interact with the locals in what they view as the natural environment of the local in their quest for the authentic experience (149). In this case, the social environment where the dancers are dancing socially and not a choreographed routine is the dancer’s natural environment and it is here that the participants want to interact with them by dancing with them.
Unlike the normal form of tourism, the fetish[3] of the salsa participants to see and experience the authentic and real dancer is not necessarily bad for the celebrity. The main reason is because the power relationship in this form of tourism is different from the regular kind. As mentioned, the artiste benefits from his fame. In a normal tourism structure, the power lies in the hands of the first world country that flocks to third world countries to view the exotic “other”. This is due to the fact that the third world is reliant on the first world to market their country and organize the tourists to go to their country (Mowforth and Munt, 50). In salsa tourism, the power still lies in the hands of the first world (e.g., USA). The difference is in that the exotic Other is the first world tourists themselves who have the power to choose which country to go to. Moreover, they are not subjected to the whims and fancies of the participants who come to see them; this is drastically different from the “helpful, smiling and servile” local who serve the tourists on a typical tour (Mowforth and Munt, 64). Rather, these performers are worshipped and held in high regard as the exotic and talented Other whom the participants idolize and seek to emulate.
Therefore, salsa tourism is a new form of tourism that is an institutionalized bubble which is set up by the West to accumulate capital from the “rest”. It enables them to go to a place where salsa is less developed, so that they have a chance to “play” at being a celebrity and be idolized by participants (Tucker, 151). This is not very different from the tourists who go to third world countries to be pampered by the locals and indulge in luxuries (Inglis, 6). In this case, the tourist gaze is intentionally fixed on the dancer, who thrives in the idolization of being the superior Other. The fetish becomes like worship, which is but another form of imperialism.
Conclusion
Although salsa tourism has imperialist undertones, one can see the emergence of the resistance to it. As Asia catches up in the salsa scene, there is the emergence of new dancers who are striving to re-invent their identity, resisting the inferior implications of their dancing (Tucker, 157). This was seen in the Hong Kong Open Salsa Competition held in the festival, where couples from India, Korea and Singapore emerged with a unique style of their own that can pose a strong challenge to the domination from the west. This may bring about a balance in the unequal opportunities that have arisen in the salsa tourism sphere and redefining the power relations within Salsa tourism.
Bibliography
Inglis, Fred (2000) The Delicious History of the Holiday, chapter 1, New York: Routledge.
Lippard, Lucy R. (1999) “Introduction: On Rubbernecking”, in On the Beaten Track. Tourism, Art and Place, New York: New York Press
MacCannell, Dean (1976) “Staged Authenticity”, in The Tourist: A New Theory of the Leisure Class, Introduction, New York: Schocken Books, ch. 5.
Mowforth, M. and Munt, I. (2003) Tourism and Sustainability: Development and New Tourism in the Third World, London and New York: Routledge, ch.3
Tucker, Hazel (2002) “Welcome to Flintstone’s Land: Contesting Place and Identity in Goreme, Central Turkey” in Tourism: between place and performance, edited by Simon Coleman and Mike Crang, Oxford: Berghan.
Footnotes
[1] Usually what are authentic are the famous names that are endorsed by the Salsa scene in the world, with Los Angeles and New York leading the way. Dances that are a hot favorite among the audience are strongly endorsed and “authenticated” by the salsa population. The “unauthentic” are disliked and not endorsed by anyone.
[2] Social dance, unlike performance, is deemed to be a natural setting in dance, much like a backstage (MacCannell). This is due to the fact that social dancing is not choreographed with one’s partner or with the music, and deemed to be instinctive and “made up” intuitively to the mood of the music. This is compared to a performance, which is choreographed and clearly staged for the audience (a front stage).
[3] Fetish is defined in Mowforth and Munt (2003) to be the underlying way in which social relationships of production are disguised or covered up (67).
Authenticity vs. Homogeneity
Salsa tourism is the gathering of salsa dancers from all over the world in a place which organizes a festival or congress (e.g., Hong Kong) where world renowned instructors teach, perform and social dance in the event which spans at least 4 days. These stars are brought in from all over the world to attract locals and tourists alike to participate in the festival. They show off their famously unique moves during the festivals and are hailed as authentic salsa dancers with original and unique moves that define the borders of salsa[1]. A person participating in the festival can be what Cohen calls an “experiential tourist” who seeks out the “mystified” experience of meeting these famous dancers in person, watching them perform, learning from them, and also, dancing with them (1979a, 1985 quoted in Mowforth and Munt, 74; MacCannell, 102). Participants also come to see new dance steps that have been invented and discovered, and they have a desire for these real, authentic experiences that can lead them to discover more about themselves and the dance (Inglis, 6).
Famous dancers have a huge following of dancers who will emulate their dance style and dressing. An example is Frankie Martinez and the Korean salsa scene. Top dancers emulate his dance style and dressing: Martinez likes to hold the bottom ends of his shirt and toy with it while he dances; many dancers in Korea do that. He has a certain unique style that consists of very quick footwork interspersed with slow body isolations, which is also emulated in Korea. Many of his performances have been adapted; e.g., he dressed like a pirate in one of his performances in Korea and in the Hong Kong Salsa Festival 2006, a performer emerged in clothing that was cut and ripped to look like rags that a pirate would wear, dancing in a style that was clearly adapted from Martinez’s. A point to note here is the disjuncture between what is said and what is done. Salsa advocates creativity and innovativeness in its dance. New styles are vigorously praised, and yet, they are furiously replicated.
Salsa tourism, which encourages the sharing of knowledge in salsa, thus raises the problem of homogeneity. With the massive copying of the “authentic”, the dancing scene becomes resoundingly duplicated as people imitate the dances, style, dressing and even music of their idols. This, however, is encouraged by the stars and the organizers behind the salsa festivals: imitation implies that the dancer is famous, and this ensures that he does not run out of business because his idols will pay to see him dance and teach. They will also buy his instructional DVDs and take additional classes from him. These will increase his status, wealth and power within the salsa scene. Mowforth and Munt (2003) in Tourism and Sustainability: Development and New Tourism in the Third World defined ideology as “the way relationships of power are inexorably interwoven in the production and representation of meaning which serves the interests of a particular social group” (46). The ideology of the authentic salsa dancer is endorsed by the festival organizers who commodify and sell him in the festival, thereby giving the dancer a good reputation which allows both of them to benefit. This commodification of a person is similar to that of a pop star, and in the context of salsa festivals, the more popular an artiste is, the higher price he fetches. Salsa festivals and celebrities survive on this commodification of the authentic good: the dancer.
As we have seen so far, salsa tourism attracts tourists to a locality by promising an experience of a lifetime in dancing with the top salsa dancers in the world. This commodification of the celebrity dancer has imperialist undertones: the world renowned dancers are from USA and Europe, largely colonial countries. This is due to the fact that Salsa was popularized in the USA and spread to Europe and then to Asia (where it is still relatively new). The salsa ‘hub’ is viewed to be in Los Angeles and New York, an environment whereby the standard is the highest and where most of the famous dancers originate. The inconsistent developments in the standard of dancing result in the unequal structural relationships in the salsa tourism industry whereby the less developed Asian countries adopt a more passive role in the festival by idolizing the celebrity dancers from the west and paying them to endorse their festivals (Stephen Britton quoted in Mowforth and Munt, 49-50).
Role Reversal
There are four categories of people we see in salsa festivals: the overseas artists, the local artists, the overseas participants and the local participants. My focus here is on the overseas artists in the festival. As clearly evident in the preceding paragraphs, the “authentic” commodity in salsa tourism is not the local culture or heritage but the tourists – the overseas artists – themselves. As such, there is a role reversal in salsa tourism, whereby the authentic is the tourist who makes himself the object of attention. Through the overseas artists, salsa tourism effectively draws overseas salsa fanatics into the country. Moreover, it also entices the local crowd to participate. However, unlike other forms of tourism, the locals are not the object of focus here; they are like local tourists, who come to see the “authentic”, and may undergo a liminal phase which temporarily “suspends” them from their norm to indulge in play and fantasy like a tourist (Tucker, 151).
In social dancing[2], the artists are the objects of the participants’ gaze (Urry, 1990a quoted in Mowforth and Munt, 72). These participants consume the “other” - the professional dancer - in their efforts to reach the romanticized perfection of dancing salsa (Lippard, 2-5; Mowforth and Munt, 73). The dancers are video-recorded and photographed, and it is a thrill for the participants to dance with them, which is all part of the experience of the salsa festival. This is similar to Tucker’s “living museum”, where tourists interact with the locals in what they view as the natural environment of the local in their quest for the authentic experience (149). In this case, the social environment where the dancers are dancing socially and not a choreographed routine is the dancer’s natural environment and it is here that the participants want to interact with them by dancing with them.
Unlike the normal form of tourism, the fetish[3] of the salsa participants to see and experience the authentic and real dancer is not necessarily bad for the celebrity. The main reason is because the power relationship in this form of tourism is different from the regular kind. As mentioned, the artiste benefits from his fame. In a normal tourism structure, the power lies in the hands of the first world country that flocks to third world countries to view the exotic “other”. This is due to the fact that the third world is reliant on the first world to market their country and organize the tourists to go to their country (Mowforth and Munt, 50). In salsa tourism, the power still lies in the hands of the first world (e.g., USA). The difference is in that the exotic Other is the first world tourists themselves who have the power to choose which country to go to. Moreover, they are not subjected to the whims and fancies of the participants who come to see them; this is drastically different from the “helpful, smiling and servile” local who serve the tourists on a typical tour (Mowforth and Munt, 64). Rather, these performers are worshipped and held in high regard as the exotic and talented Other whom the participants idolize and seek to emulate.
Therefore, salsa tourism is a new form of tourism that is an institutionalized bubble which is set up by the West to accumulate capital from the “rest”. It enables them to go to a place where salsa is less developed, so that they have a chance to “play” at being a celebrity and be idolized by participants (Tucker, 151). This is not very different from the tourists who go to third world countries to be pampered by the locals and indulge in luxuries (Inglis, 6). In this case, the tourist gaze is intentionally fixed on the dancer, who thrives in the idolization of being the superior Other. The fetish becomes like worship, which is but another form of imperialism.
Conclusion
Although salsa tourism has imperialist undertones, one can see the emergence of the resistance to it. As Asia catches up in the salsa scene, there is the emergence of new dancers who are striving to re-invent their identity, resisting the inferior implications of their dancing (Tucker, 157). This was seen in the Hong Kong Open Salsa Competition held in the festival, where couples from India, Korea and Singapore emerged with a unique style of their own that can pose a strong challenge to the domination from the west. This may bring about a balance in the unequal opportunities that have arisen in the salsa tourism sphere and redefining the power relations within Salsa tourism.
Bibliography
Inglis, Fred (2000) The Delicious History of the Holiday, chapter 1, New York: Routledge.
Lippard, Lucy R. (1999) “Introduction: On Rubbernecking”, in On the Beaten Track. Tourism, Art and Place, New York: New York Press
MacCannell, Dean (1976) “Staged Authenticity”, in The Tourist: A New Theory of the Leisure Class, Introduction, New York: Schocken Books, ch. 5.
Mowforth, M. and Munt, I. (2003) Tourism and Sustainability: Development and New Tourism in the Third World, London and New York: Routledge, ch.3
Tucker, Hazel (2002) “Welcome to Flintstone’s Land: Contesting Place and Identity in Goreme, Central Turkey” in Tourism: between place and performance, edited by Simon Coleman and Mike Crang, Oxford: Berghan.
Footnotes
[1] Usually what are authentic are the famous names that are endorsed by the Salsa scene in the world, with Los Angeles and New York leading the way. Dances that are a hot favorite among the audience are strongly endorsed and “authenticated” by the salsa population. The “unauthentic” are disliked and not endorsed by anyone.
[2] Social dance, unlike performance, is deemed to be a natural setting in dance, much like a backstage (MacCannell). This is due to the fact that social dancing is not choreographed with one’s partner or with the music, and deemed to be instinctive and “made up” intuitively to the mood of the music. This is compared to a performance, which is choreographed and clearly staged for the audience (a front stage).
[3] Fetish is defined in Mowforth and Munt (2003) to be the underlying way in which social relationships of production are disguised or covered up (67).
My In-Charge
It is not I but you who runs this place.
You will take care of the people.
You will take care of the accounts, the finance.
You are head of our sales and marketing department.
It is not I but You who teaches the students and plans their growth.
You chart our future and growth.
It is not You helping me to do things; I am just an empty vessel.
You are the one doing ALL the brain work, the leg work, the planning work, Everything.
I can't do it and I don't want your help to make me do it.
I want You to do it; coz I can't do it like You do.
You are my boss,
You are my present,
You are my future.
I don't want to be in charge; You are my in charge.
No longer You helping me to run my life (where I still have to run it, I still have a say in matters, I make all the decisions, You only help).
Now You will bypass me to run my life.
My only decision is to let You run it.
I only have to flow with it.
I only have to rest in it.
Zech 3-4
You will take care of the people.
You will take care of the accounts, the finance.
You are head of our sales and marketing department.
It is not I but You who teaches the students and plans their growth.
You chart our future and growth.
It is not You helping me to do things; I am just an empty vessel.
You are the one doing ALL the brain work, the leg work, the planning work, Everything.
I can't do it and I don't want your help to make me do it.
I want You to do it; coz I can't do it like You do.
You are my boss,
You are my present,
You are my future.
I don't want to be in charge; You are my in charge.
No longer You helping me to run my life (where I still have to run it, I still have a say in matters, I make all the decisions, You only help).
Now You will bypass me to run my life.
My only decision is to let You run it.
I only have to flow with it.
I only have to rest in it.
Zech 3-4
Thursday, July 11
What Men & Women want, how to find the right kind of people, and how does dancing help!
Why dating events are good way of meeting ppl...
In events (and my area of expertise is dance), participants
are put in situations / activities and it's a great place to see how ppl
behave in situations. High-stress situations can show how we react to
stresses in our life, especially when we are out of our element.
After
viewing the dating show, 'it's a date', you get to see how ppl react
and the impression it leaves on others. Of course it doesn't truly
reflect our normal characters, but we can learn from these situations and learn how to react and
how not to behave.
Another
interesting observation is that the best looking ones are not the
winners here. Rather, the most adorable girl or the most 'damsel in
distress' get picked; the guy that can make the girls feel
the most comfortable and who take charge without being dominating tends
to win out in this game.
Is
it really a surprise? Not really. Even though it seems obvious when we sit down n think about it, somehow
on the superficial level we tend to forget it. Men like to help women, but not be taken advantage of. When they can help out, they feel important and useful. But the thing they hate most is to be taken advantage of. They like to be respected. (Actually this applies to women too!) When it comes to dating and relationships, many women tend to forget that, and usually, that's when things go haywire.
Women, on the other hand, like men who can entertain them; men who can tell jokes and can see humor in things that they do can make women laugh and that's important to them. They like men with quiet confidence, who are secure in who they are, but who also respect them, who can take charge when needed, but is not domineering.
Actually, when we take a step back and see, we can tell that the qualities that we are looking for are the same, be it for a man or woman. We are all looking for someone who is comfortable in their own skin, and are secure in who they are. We are looking for someone who can find humor in things they do, with a zest for life, but who also can be serious and get things done when needed. Someone responsible, but who doesn't take themselves too seriously and can laugh at themselves if needed. We also like people who respect us, and by respecting, it means that they take the time to listen (not dominate), and are not afraid to change their minds if they feel that their partner has a better solution to problems.
Looking at this, it seems that the qualities we are looking for are character qualities, not superficial qualities. However, our actions don't necessarily reflect this. For
example, we seem to automatically gravitate towards better looking,
attractive ppl and place the less attractive ones on the sidelines, especially in situations that only allow for short interactions. Nobody likes being labelled and stereotyped, but we tend to do so -all to some degree - because sometimes we don't have the time to learn more about each other.
Teaching many ppl how to dance and seeing many interactions between people has opened my eyes to a lot of things (though I don't claim to be an expert). I have learnt to understand characters by their responses (mannerisms and speech). I also learn to understand them by their innate unconscious responses in daily menial tasks. People who spontaneously help out without asking, who offer assistance in things are the keepers. They may not be the best speakers or the most charming, but they 'got your back' and will help when you need. These are true friends; whether they become more than friends, time will tell. But I want them in my life as friends and buddies because I know I will have a great time in whatever we do.
Some people go around frantically from boyfriend to boyfriend (or girlfriend to girlfriend) trying to find the someone who 'completes' them. I heard this from my pastor talking about BGR and find it to be so true. If you find someone because he/she completes the other half of you, it never works. After a while, you will still find that part of you empty. You need to first be comfortable, secure and confident in your own skin, find someone who is also comfortable and secure in his/her own skin, and come together to become 200% (100% + 100% = 200%, not 50% + 50% = 100%). Needy people are hard to build life together with as they consume a lot of your energy, you spend time fighting fires (reassuring doubts) rather than growing together. A 'whole' person (for want of a better word) doesn't necessarily need to be super confident and doesn't need to know everything... the opposite actually...
That whole person is wise / humble enough to know that he/she doesn't know everything, and is comfortable with that. He/she doesn't feel a need to demonstrate how much he/she knows; but is more concerned about the welfare of others rather than what others think of him/her. We are attracted to people who give, rather than people who take. Rather than trying to get or find the right person for you, work on being the right person and you will attract the right kind of people,and have many people for you to choose from.
And now where does dancing come into play with all these? (Dance is my life so of course it comes into play! haha...) I may be traditional in thinking, but I feel that there is an element to dancing (partner dances) that subtly and inevitably teaches men and women to behave in certain ways that works in a relationship...
I'm gonna just touch on the surface here, otherwise it will be too long to read. When 2 people come together to dance, the men leads; the woman has to be willing to be led (she has to let him lead). Note that she is not a docile obedient piece of equipment for him to push and pull around, but a living and breathing body that is placed in his hands to guide. He has to cherish her, take care of her, lead her into amazing moves that she otherwise would not be able to do on her own. The lady, by releasing her will to him and allowing him to take over control of her movements, must learn to flow within his movements. She is not 'mindless'; she is balanced on her own, she moves her own feet, etc, but the catch is that she moves in sync with him. She has to learn to listen to his cues in order to flow with him. She assists by supporting him and following him if he falters.
The man has to plan his moves, and the planning of his moves includes his partner's, and move both of them to flow together so that they both move in sync together flowing from one movement to the next. The key is that in order for them to move fluidly together, they have to learn how to communicate: listen to each other's movements, and react to accommodate and flow from one movement to the next. It's a piece of art that is different with every partner, and someone who understands this can relate it to life.
Of course it's not an exact science and there are other things to observe, but I find this to be true and feel that this kinda helps us to become better partners in a relationship. =)
Tuesday, June 18
Student Performance Jun 2013
Haven't blogged in a long while, let's check out if the writing muscles are still there. We had our latest student recital over the weekend...
Amazingly, after all these years of performing, I can still get excited over our recital and performances. I think it’s because I like doing the choreography and dancing to the music... And the hidden exhibitionist in me is excited to legitimately shed it’s protective covering. Or maybe it’s the fact that I get to immerse myself in dancing and performing rather than just watching, correcting and teaching. Although I really do enjoy teaching, there are times when just dancing happily ‘without a care in the world’ can be so soothing for the soul.
The minor glitch with certain customers before the show helped to feed my emotions as I poured my frustrations in the dance in the first segment. And that’s one of the main reasons why dancing is so addictive. Whatever probelms you’re facing or overwhelming emotions that you are facing that day, you can just throw it away temporarily, forget about past things that happened, and not worrying about the future. Dancing is a very NOW thing. Although it’s less so with the invention of videos, to fully experience and appreciate dance, it must occur in the Now. It’s a very physical and present thing that consumes your energy and focus. It’s a wonderful distraction and if you know how to, a great way to channel excess energies and frustration away.
After these few weeks of feeling slightly overwhelmed and slightly inferior to many people in my life (dun ask why I just do sometimes... Maybe it's to remind me of my humility), even discouraged by my inability to handle things, I realize one thing, that I truly have been blessed and graced in the dance and teaching department. That even though I dun quite know what I’m doing sometimes, it works out great and I’m constantly learning. If anything, teaching challenges me to be a better person, to encourage, support and motivate people to do things that they may not think they would do, but then surprise themselves in the end. That in itself is a great reward and money can’t buy that kind of joy we have. In conclusion, I see this: my world may be small, and my influence not that great, but the lives that I touch, I try my best to nurture and I do see the changes in their lives. If anything, I understand one thing: everyone wants someone to care and someone to love. It may not be romance but it can be family. We may not like each other all the time, but we love and we care for one another and we're willing to sort out our differences. That’s what makes the difference.
Surprisingly, I was excited about the performance tonight. Maybe because I liked the dances I did, or because there were many newbies in the group and I was excited for them, but I felt great: young and new again... or maybe it was that I simply got the chance to show my love of dance to others...
Although the show went by in a flash, the actual performances kinda went like slow motion for me; I actualy had time to think of doing the right expression, the next step, etc. It’s kinda weird that I didn’t feel it go rushing by as I usually do. But it made the fun more complete as I got the time to savor the dances. Role playing was rather fun and I must say that it’s been a while since I did that, making me savor it more.
As a whole, this bunch of students have been a joy to teach and see them grow. We had many great laughs and fun times that I'll cherish... =)
Amazingly, after all these years of performing, I can still get excited over our recital and performances. I think it’s because I like doing the choreography and dancing to the music... And the hidden exhibitionist in me is excited to legitimately shed it’s protective covering. Or maybe it’s the fact that I get to immerse myself in dancing and performing rather than just watching, correcting and teaching. Although I really do enjoy teaching, there are times when just dancing happily ‘without a care in the world’ can be so soothing for the soul.
The minor glitch with certain customers before the show helped to feed my emotions as I poured my frustrations in the dance in the first segment. And that’s one of the main reasons why dancing is so addictive. Whatever probelms you’re facing or overwhelming emotions that you are facing that day, you can just throw it away temporarily, forget about past things that happened, and not worrying about the future. Dancing is a very NOW thing. Although it’s less so with the invention of videos, to fully experience and appreciate dance, it must occur in the Now. It’s a very physical and present thing that consumes your energy and focus. It’s a wonderful distraction and if you know how to, a great way to channel excess energies and frustration away.
After these few weeks of feeling slightly overwhelmed and slightly inferior to many people in my life (dun ask why I just do sometimes... Maybe it's to remind me of my humility), even discouraged by my inability to handle things, I realize one thing, that I truly have been blessed and graced in the dance and teaching department. That even though I dun quite know what I’m doing sometimes, it works out great and I’m constantly learning. If anything, teaching challenges me to be a better person, to encourage, support and motivate people to do things that they may not think they would do, but then surprise themselves in the end. That in itself is a great reward and money can’t buy that kind of joy we have. In conclusion, I see this: my world may be small, and my influence not that great, but the lives that I touch, I try my best to nurture and I do see the changes in their lives. If anything, I understand one thing: everyone wants someone to care and someone to love. It may not be romance but it can be family. We may not like each other all the time, but we love and we care for one another and we're willing to sort out our differences. That’s what makes the difference.
Surprisingly, I was excited about the performance tonight. Maybe because I liked the dances I did, or because there were many newbies in the group and I was excited for them, but I felt great: young and new again... or maybe it was that I simply got the chance to show my love of dance to others...
Although the show went by in a flash, the actual performances kinda went like slow motion for me; I actualy had time to think of doing the right expression, the next step, etc. It’s kinda weird that I didn’t feel it go rushing by as I usually do. But it made the fun more complete as I got the time to savor the dances. Role playing was rather fun and I must say that it’s been a while since I did that, making me savor it more.
As a whole, this bunch of students have been a joy to teach and see them grow. We had many great laughs and fun times that I'll cherish... =)
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